Trump & Jong Un reaffirm commitment to 'Club Red 300'

Post date: Jun 12, 2018 11:50:16 AM

By Niveked.............

US President Donald Trump and North Korean Supreme leader Kim Jong Un have pledged their commitment to Edenderry's latest membership model 'Club Red 300'.

The two whacky heads of their respective states have long been supporters of the north Offaly club and last night in a secret meeting held at Edenderry GAA pavilion, which was brokered by club Chairman Willie Forde, the pair agreed that this is the best membership deal that the club has offered in many years.

"The two men met last night right" said Willie. "They've put their differences aside right and they're going to work very hard to help deliver the best facilities for the club right" Mr Forde confirmed to the Edenderry Topic this morning.

Unlike President Trump, Mr Jong Un has represented the Reds and was part of the junior hurling team that won the championship in 1998.

"Kim wasn't that skillful but of course we couldn't tell him that or his father would have had us killed" local hurling fan Adrian 'Toto' Farrell told our reporter. "But he made up for it with his viciousness. Jasus he was a dirty little corner back, cuts the legs from under ya he would" Mr Farrell stated. His views were echoed by Club President Eddie Kenny who said the following about Kim "Jasus, he'd take your sacred life"!!

(Kim Jong Un clears his lines for Edenderry hurlers in 1998)

After the latest monthly draw which saw local builder/millionaire Michael Bryan win the €1000, Mr Jong Un was reportedly furious that money follows money and initiated immediate talks with one time foe Mr Donald Trump.

A spokesman for the North Korean Supreme leader confirmed that Kim has had trouble sleeping over the past two months after seeing local golfing sensation Johnny Brady and millionaire builder Michael Bryan add to their vast fortunes and ever expanding empires.

"Kim was furious to say the least. He signed up for 'Club Red 300' in January when club secretary Colm Cummins rang him. He likes Colm, they're kindred spirits to an extent. They're political styles mesh well and he had no problem given Colm the go ahead" the spokesman confirmed.

However, it's believed that once the meeting commenced in the clubhouse bar President Trump was able to calm Mr Jong Un down and reassure him that he still has seven more chances to win this monthly prize this year as well as winning the weekly lottery which currently stands at €14,200.

Senior football captain Colm Byrne also attended the meeting and expressed his fury at not winning a single penny since the inception of 'Club Red 300' and angrily screamed "When do I get my money?? I want my money"!!

Head groundsman Pat 'Ago Cullen assisted in parking the Presidential vehicles and insisted that everybody, President or no President, "Stay off the jasus pitch you'll ruin the feckin thing & I only after mowing it".

It is believed but yet to be confirmed that club secretary Colm Cummins held secret talks afterwards with President Trump over a private matter unrelated to GAA. The sometime Kildare supporting former chairman is believed to have political ambitions to become mayor of his favourite city Las Vegas in Nevada, USA.

Former local law enforcer Cornelius O'Leary, who worked under the ridiculous alias of Niall O'Leary for An Garda Siochana in Edenderry up until May 2014, was drafted in as head of security on the night.