Theresa May puts Brexit negotiations on hold to attend tonight's U20 semi final in Croghan

Post date: Mar 15, 2019 12:37:22 PM

By Niveked....

Embattled British Prime Minister Theresa May is said to be contemplating inviting President of the European Commission Claude Juncker to the U20 semi final v St Broughan's tonight in Croghan in a last ditch effort to break the impasse on Brexit negotiations.

Mrs May is a huge Edenderry fan from the days of her youth where she spent many a summer footing turf in the German bog and it was often rumoured she could foot a plot on her own in one day. The Tory leaders time working in the nearby German bog is believed to be one the main reasons behind her being a 'remain' campaigner from the get go as she forged lifetime friendships.

During her summers working in the German Bog on the outskirts of Edenderry, Mrs May was a frequent visitor to 'The Copper Beach' and 'McCormack's' and fell in love with the GAA from the moment she first saw Gerry 'Bronze' Carroll and Liam Nugent in action.

"I loved watching Liam and 'The Bronze' playing 'the GA'. They were stylish ballers" Mrs May told the Edenderry Topic in an interview in July 1995.

Mrs May is hoping that the informal setting at the picturesque Croghan GAA grounds might help to ease the tense and stressful atmosphere that has prevailed over the past week. One insider has told us that Mrs May sees the game as an ideal way to show Mr Juncker how two sides with opposing targets can still be friends when the 'final whistle' blows.

However, one unexpected obstacle may still scupper Mrs May's plan. It is an open secret that Mr Juncker is more of a 'hurling man' and is still in deep despair over Offaly's defeat to Carlow last weekend.

"Well feck it anyway" Mr Juncker was overheard to say last Sunday as he listened to the last 10 minutes of the game on the wireless. "That's the biggest sickener since Clare bet us in 1995. All this could have been avoided had we just played the game in Birr" he reportedly told his staff in Brussels.

A spokesperson for Mrs May confirmed that she will be in attendance on Friday night and is due to land at Clonbullogue airfield at 5pm Friday evening, grab a bite to eat in 'Pauline's' and a quick pint in Finbarr Cullen's before departing for Croghan.

"Theresa can't wait for the game. She's a big fan of Cian Farrell and Rory Egan" the spokesperson confirmed.

While nobody could question Mrs May's love for Edenderry GAA, speculation is rife that her visit is linked with the persistent rumours that Edenderry GAA are set to QUIT Offaly football and join the Kildare SFC for 2020. Reports have been rampant throughout the county that club secretary Colm Cummins, whose roots are firmly in Carbury, has longed for Edenderry to join the lily whites elite.

An Edenderry club mole told our reporter that Mrs May has been installed as the lead negotiator as the reds aim to compete for the Dermot Burke Cup next year but insisted that a backstop MUST form part of the agreement and this will be non-negotiable.

"No doubt about it Edenderry definitely want to win the Dermot Burke Cup in Kildare next year but a backstop is imperative. This effectively means we can also play in the Offaly championship and compete for the Dowling Cup in Offaly too. We feel it's only fair that we're granted absolutely everything we want regardless of the impact it has on anyone else. We're prepared to stamp our feet until we get what we want" the mole told us.

Edenderry GAA groundskeeper Pat 'Ago Cullen has said he would welcome the British Prime Minister and European President to the clubhouse pavilion for a drink if they so wished, but they can stay off the jasus pitches as he's only after mowing the feckin things.

Our reporter took to the streets of Edenderry to gauge the reaction of locals about the prospect of playing in the Kildare senior football championship in 2020:

Colm Byrne: "Ah, I don't know. It's pricey enough for diesel to get to O'Connor Park. Imagine if we'd to pay for fuel to go to Athy. It doesn't bare thinking about".

Jamie Dolan: "I have a BMW so I don't mind driving anywhere. Think of all the selfies I could take in a whole new county".

Conor McCarthy: "I like the idea. It would give me a whole new audience to model in front of".

Cornelius O'Leary: "Well, I think we'd be better off joining the Cork championship".

Mark Abbott: "Well, as a County star, it wouldn't really bother me where we play so long as I have my own dressing room separate from the 'club player' you know".

Mark Young: "I think it would be good. There's an Eddie Rockets, KFC and McDonnald's in Newbridge".

Ciaran Farrell: "I'll be playing in the Kildare championship next year anyway, C'mon the Clocks"!

David Hanlon: "What about the Westmeath championship instead? We'd walk that"!