St Valentines Day massacre: McGregor v Shane Connell confirmed for February 14th in GAA pavilion

Post date: Oct 08, 2018 11:37:30 AM

By Niveked.........

Former UFC champion Conor McGregor has confirmed his next fight will take place in the world renowned Edenderry GAA pavilion club house on February 14th when his opponent will be none other than former Edenderry dual star and all round hard-man Shane Connell.

After suffering a terrible defeat on Saturday night in Las Vegas, Nevada the Crumlin born fighter has vowed to bounce back and said his next fight will be spectacular stressing there is only place in the world capable of hosting such an extravaganza.

"Edenderry baby yea, you know what I mean yea. I'm going to obliterate that Connell fella yea, you know what I mean yea. I'm coming to his back yard yea and I'm ready to pummel him yea. He's a nothing, a nobody yea, he's just lucky that he's from the hometown of the BEST VENUE IN THE WORLD baby" Mr McGregor confirmed to our reporter.

(The world renowned GAA clubhouse - Better than T-Mobile arena in Las Vegas, Nevada)

Shane Connell, the mild mannered former midfielder, has been retired for over six years but has decided to step back into the limelight and has no qualms about facing McGregor in the Octagon.

"Conor McGregor? Are ya joking me? I often bet bigger and tougher inside & outside 'The Minyas' years ago. I probably won't even bother training for this. He's a weed. I'll pull the head off him" Mr Connell laughed.

(Mr Harmless himself Shane Connell)

The fight is scheduled to take place next February on St Valentines Day and the locals are already scrambling for tickets.

"I can't wait to see it. It's gonna be EPIC. I've loved watching Shane fighting since he received his first red card" said former team mate Johnny Hurst.

"I've got chills and they're multiplying" said local lothario Stephen J Guing.

"We could probably make a few pound off this" current club secretary Colm Cummins stated.

"Rates at the Auburn Lodge just went up for February 2019" said senior football captain Colm Byrne.

"Sorry mate, can't go, county training that night" Offaly superstar Sean Pender confirmed.

"There's no f***ing doubt about Shane will kill him" said local football guru Peadar Nail.

"McGregor will hammer him, just like I used to in training every night" a confident Adrian Mahon declared.

"I'm not allowed go, it's too violent" said Ciaran 'Gazza' Farrell

While the match has been sanctioned by the Offaly state commission, one stumbling block remains and that is the availability of the pavilion itself. It's believed that club house manager Aidan Burke has a jam packed schedule due to the prestige venue being in such high demand. However, as St Valentine's Day falls on a Thursday in 2019 it's believed the venue should be available and the octagon ring will be removed in time for the Sunday night bingo.

Some locals have raised concerns due to the violence that ensued after the bout in Las Vegas on Saturday night but Edenderry GAA have taken preventative measures by appointing former local law enforcer Cornelius O'Leary, who worked in Edenderry for 30 years under the ridiculous alias 'Niall O'Leary', as head of security,

"There'll be no codology on my watch" Cornelius confirmed in his west Cork accent.

"We were concerned by the violence Saturday night and Team McGregor were keen to avoid a repeat of that embarrassment. We've appointed Cornelius to oversee the whole project and Team McGregor is very happy to have a big thick Corkonian looking after him. Team Connell couldn't care less" confirmed Vice Chairman David Farrell.

(Head of security Cornelius O'Leary runs to break up a scuffle)

The fight is expected to sell out with celebrities such as Stuart Cullen expected to jet in from Boston ahead of the eagerly awaited contest. There is expected to be a limited under-card on the night with some of following fights been teased.

Under-card:

Wayne Mooney v Robbie Glennon (Settling old training ground scores)

Alex Kenny v Jake Kenny (Who is the better Kenny?)

Derek Kelly v Mark Young (Who was more talented)

Colm Cummins v Willie Forde (Winner takes control of the club)

Head groundsman Pat 'Ago' Cullen has welcomed the idea of the fight being held in Edenderry as he is a long time admirer of Shane Connell but advised that everyone attending, including the fighters, can "stay off the jasus pitch I'll be only after mowing the fecking thing".

Cynical local bookmaker John 'Bully' Dolan is offering odds of 1/5 on a Shane Connell knockout in the opening ten seconds while local bus companies are expected to hide their coaches in a secret warehouse somewhere in The Derries given Mr McGregor's disdain for buses.