Pope Francis set to visit Edenderry GAA

Post date: Jun 15, 2018 12:18:47 PM

By Niveked...........

His holiness Pope Francis is set to embark on a tour of Ireland in August and his entourage has announced that the Holy one will visit Edenderry GAA as part of the tour.

The pontiff, who is a stone wall mad Edenderry supporter, insisted to his crew that he would spend at least one night in 'da town' and it has been confirmed he will stay at Auburn Lodge B & B on Colonel Perry Street before embarking on a tour of the GAA grounds.

"Pope Francis can't wait to visit the GAA. He's been a long time admirer and huge supporter of the reds for the past 60 odd years" a spokesman at the Vatican confirmed last night. "He was born the year Edenderry won their first ever Senior championship in 1936 but he fondly recalls 1951 as a 15 year old boy in Beunos Aires, Argentina listening to the wireless and catching the county final on Radio 3" the spokesman added.

The pope is said to be very keen to secure a very special group of altar servers for his huge outdoor concert, eh mass, in the Phoenix Park and would love nothing more than to have six players from the senior football team dressed in their football gear helping him out on stage, eh altar.

The idea has been passed on to senior football manager Peter Brady and it is thought that auditions will take place at training over the next few nights. The players will know doubt be falling over themselves to secure a spot on the exclusive team. While we can't confirm who exactly will get the coveted spots as a member of the 'Pope's Players', rumours are rife who would be favourites to come through the auditions successfully.

Ciaran 'Gazza' Farrell is everyone's pick to be the first name on the 'Pope's Players' with his clean living, pious and holy outlook, not to mention his attendance at mass twice weekly.

(Angelic Gazza Farrell is the bookies favourite to be on the 'Pope's Players')

Senior football captain Colm Byrne is believed to be desperate to make the 'Pope's Players' as he fondly recalls his time as an alter server in Edenderry in 2001.

"Colm loved been an altar server. He made a fortune out of it. He reckons if he got to serve a mass with the Pope there'd surely be a good few bob for it. In fact, he was even curious about doing a few local weddings, there's big money to be made on them too" confirmed Colm's friend and team-mate Brian Quinlan.

Due to the huge interest in the Pope's visit to Ireland security around Edenderry is expected to be at an all time high and the Garda station is expected to open for four hours each day in the week building up to the Papal visit, an increase of 3 hours and 30 minutes from regular times.

(Edenderry's state of the art Garda station opens for 30 minutes everyday)

Former Edenderry Law enforcer Cornelius O'Leary, known locally under the ridiculous alias of Niall O'Leary, has been appointed as head of security for Pope Francis. O'Leary has been drafted in as the man 'on the ground' in Edenderry to smooth out any arrangements and security concerns before El Papa's arrival. Cornelius and the Pope have a long standing relationship going back to both men's younger years when Cornelius considered a career in the priesthood.

It is thought Cornelius O'Leary will accompany the Pope in his 'Pope mobile' as he does a lap of the Phoenix Park. The Pope's specialised vehicle is due to visit Danny Doyle's garage in July in order to be enlarged and the seats widened to cater for the former Corkonian Garda.

(Cornelius 'Rex Banner' O'Leary (left) oversees a huge sock deal between Naomhán Farrell & Morley Brereton)

Local celebrity priest Fr PJ McEvoy is originally said to have been offered the chance to welcome his Holiness on his arrival to the GAA grounds but he has been OUSTED by Club secretary Colm Cummins who will no doubt feel it will provide him with a perfect photo opportunity and only help him with his future political career.

((Colm Cummins sneaks up behind Fr McEvoy before pushing him off the stage & out of his spotlight)

The Phoenix Park has been chosen as the venue for the Pope's concert, eh mass, after initial talks with Edenderry GAA broke down. The Pontiff was keen to host the concert, eh mass, at the hallowed turf of Edenderry GAA but head groundsman Pat 'Ago Cullen vetoed the idea immediately telling the Pope's entourage "He can stay off the jasus pitch he'll ruin the feckin thing & I only after mowing it".

Local bookmaker John 'Bully' Dolan of Eclipse Betting, JKL Street, has offered odds on which players will make the 'Pope's Players' and as it stands it is appears Ciaran 'Gazza' Farrell is the clear favourite. Our reporter reached out to some of the players to gauge their interest in becoming members of the 'Pope's Players'.

When asked how they were fixed to take part in the concert, eh mass, both Sean Pender and Cian Farrell replied "Sorry mate, not around, county training that night"

Pope's Players odds:

Ciaran Farrell 1/9

Colm Byrne 2/1

Mark Young 7/2

Keith McGuinness 5/1

Adam Mahon 6/1

Shane Cummins 11/2

Eoin Dunne 6/1

Richie Dalton 7/1

Mark Abbott 9/1

Alex Kenny 11/1

Jordan Hayes 13/1

Andrew Forde 13/1

Jack Brady 16/1

Conor McCarthy 22/1

Jamie Dolan 33/1

Finbarr Cullen 500/1

Wayne Mooney 750/1

Shane Connell 5000/1

Flying Freddie Grehan 5000/1

'Ago 'Elvis' Cullen 25000/1

(Adam Mahon is a good bet at 6/1 while Keith McGuinness & Ger Hanlon will be hoping to rekindle their altar serving parternership from 1997)

(Note the pious & holy faces of Jordan Hayes & Andrew Forde pictured above)

(Conor McCarthy is worth a sneaky tenner at 22/1 & Alex Kenny desperately needs divine intervention to get his life back on track)