Peadar Nail to appear on 'The Sunday Game' this weekend

Post date: Jun 21, 2018 11:39:19 AM

By Niveked..........

Local Edenderry man Peadar Nail (O'Neill) will appear on this weekends episode of 'The Sunday Game' as a football pundit as the state broadcaster steps up its efforts to save costs.

RTÉ, which recorded a €6m loss in the last financial year, has ditched its regular pundits Pat Spillane, Colm O'Rourke, Tomás O'Sé, Colm Cooper, Ciaran Whelan and Joe Brolly as they look to reduce their huge lavish outlay on what was once Ireland's most popular TV show. The station manager has taken a new approach by appointing local men on the ground with an in-depth knowledge of football who can bring some colour and insight to their Sunday night programme.

"Basically, we're skint. Last week we couldn't even afford oysters for our guests, they had to have cocktail sausages and chicken wings. We can't afford big name pundits anymore so we're going to get local lads to analyse it instead" a mole at RTÉ told our reporter.

Mr Nail guided the Edenderry junior footballers to the Division 3 league title in 2010 and has vast knowledge of Offaly and Dublin GAA from his time working in O'Shea Merchant's pub in the 1970's. He will appear alongside fellow Edenderry pundits Henry Ryan and Tony Kenny who, as a group, have been watching and scrutinizing Edenderry training for the past eight years since the completion of the stand construction in 2010. Edenderry Chairman Willie Forde is also due to appear.

(Peadar Nail keeps a watchful eye over his junior team in 2010)

"Well it's nearly time I was on it" Mr Nail told our reporter. "I'll be covering the Offaly and Clare game and sure Offaly will murder them. Clare are solid useless and sure Offaly won the All-Ireland 36 years ago so it's a no brainer. They're just lucky Rodge Hanlon isn't playing because he's the f***ing best player in Ireland no doubt about it" Mr Nail declared.

We phoned RTÉ Head of Sport Noel Curran and asked him what were his thoughts on the new lineup for 'The Sunday Game'.

"We're delighted to have Peadar coming on board. He has very unorthodox and controversial views on football and has a habit of rubbing people up the wrong way. We see him as the new Joe Brolly. Joe is gone to mainstream now whereas Peadar is the real deal. Tony 'TK' Kenny is very similar to Colm O'Rourke really but obviously TK was a far superior footballer. Similar to Colm, he likes to harp on about the good old days of football and moans a lot. As for Henry, well sure he's the jewel in the crown. He's the nearest thing to Colm 'Gooch' Cooper I've seen" Mr Curran concluded.

(OUSTED: Brolly, O'Rourke & Spillane are yesterday's news)

Edenderry Chairman and hurling fanatic Willie Forde will also make an appearance on the show as he discusses the Christy Ring final between London and Kildare and he'll be flanked by former Edenderry kit man Henry Ryan. We approached both men for comment ahead of their TV debut.

"I'm looking forward to it right. It'll be a great experience right and what a game to cover, London and Kildare in the Christy Ring final. Jasus, right, it doesn't get any bigger than that right" Mr Forde told us while Mr Ryan simply added "Up Tipp". It's not confirmed yet but is expected that Mr Ryan will mention that he scored a penalty on Martin Furlong in a league game in the 1980's.

(Peadar Nail's eyes light up as he spots Rodge Hanlon at the Greyhound track in Mullingar)

Former Edenderry footballer Tony 'TK' Kenny will also appear and is expected to discuss the Munster football final between Cork and Kerry. Mr Kenny is confident that Kerry will win the game and that Cork are desperately lacking a player of his ilk and quality to beat the reigning Munster champions.

"Cork lack a killer forward, someone like me basically. If they could kick it in to someone like me that would be enough for them to win" Mr Kenny concluded.

(Tony 'TK' Kenny (2nd from left) was reputedly the best player of all time)

Senior football captain Colm Byrne is said to be devastated having missed out on the opportunity to join the gravy train insisting to our reporter that he'd love a chance to earn some easy money.

"It's very frustrating. There's easy money right there in front of me and I just can't have it. It's not fair. I love money" Mr Byrne stated while stamping his feet in a tantrum.

It is believed that RTÉ first approached Sean Pender and Cian Farrell to appear on the TV show but both men replied "Sorry mate, not available, with the county that day". Head groundsman Pat 'Ago Cullen has welcomed the idea of new pundits on 'The Sunday Game' but advised that if RTÉ come to Edenderry to film any footage they can "stay off the jasus pitch they'll ruin the feckin thing & I only after mowing it".

Our reporters took to the streets to gauge the reaction of locals and Byrne's Bar barman John Byrne simply said "It's some load of s***e".

(John Byrne doesn't like the idea)

Former local law enforcer Cornelius O'Leary, who worked as a member of An Garda Siochana under the ridiculous alias of Niall O'Leary for 30 years, has been appointed as head of security and will transport the three wise men and Willie Forde to RTÉ studio's in Donnybrook as it is expected that Mr Nail's controversial views on football may cause civil unrest, particularly in Kildare.

Mr Nail has on several occasions referred to Kildare as 'Flour bags' and is known to have called them "solid f**kin useless". We asked RTÉ Head of Sport Noel Curran if he was concerned by the potential outbursts by Mr Nail but he simply replied "Sure Peadar is right, Kildare are solid f**kin useless".

In another major twist and penny pinching method by RTÉ we can exclusively reveal that club secretary Colm Cummins is expected to fill the role of the retiring Michael Lyster.

"We've been looking for someone really slick to fill the role and they don't come much slicker than Colm Cummins" a spokesman for RTÉ confirmed.

However, it is expected that Mr Cummins will received a vast sum of money for anchoring the programme but he has assured clubs members in Edenderry GAA that it will be ring fenced for future development........ of his condo in Las Vegas...

(Colm Cummins luxurious condo in Las Vegas where he plans to become Mayor someday)