Edenderry footballer to enter 'British Open' golf tournament this Thursday

Post date: Jul 18, 2018 11:59:54 AM

(Former Edenderry footballer turned pro golfer Richie Dalton sinks a put from deep)

By Niveked...........

Local footballer and teaching icon Richard Dalton has announced his intention to enter this weeks 'British Open' golf tournament in Carnousite, Scotland.

Mr Dalton, who is a reasonably accomplished footballer and two time Dowling cup winner, has decided he wants to broaden his horizons and strongly believes that his golfing abilities are equal to anyone playing in Scotland this week. Since the beginning of the outrageously long school holidays, Mr Dalton has been spotted honing his skills at the local Edenderry golf club whenever the opportunity arises.

(Noel Guing, Richie Dalton & Sean Connell with the Dowling Cup in 2011)

It is also widely believed that he has employed a 'caddie' in local part time footballer and music festival lover Jamie Dolan to carry his bag and be a general dogsbody when required.

Mr Dolan won the 'Battle of the Bag' as a result of Sean Pender being unavailable to fulfill the role due to a heavy gym session with county team and senior captain Colm Byrne withdrew his services once it became apparent that Mr Dalton would not be paying him.

"COME OUT" Mr Byrne stated when approached by this reporter. "If he thinks I'm following him around the Golf course for four hours, or six hours the way he hits the ball, for nothing he has his s***e. I gotta make bank bro so show me the money" Mr Byrne continued.

Mr Byrne did however confirm that he would be willing to act as Mr Dalton's agent should he need one to help handle his finances if success were to come his way.

(Colm Byrne (right) loves the sound of the till cha-chinging)

Word has spread quickly today around the locality when news broke of Mr Dalton's proposed change of code. Some locals expressed disbelief at the idea including Edenderry GAA Chairman Willie Forde.

"Ah that's cat" Mr Forde said exasperated. "It's shocking right. We're all very fond of Richie right but ah jasus that's cat right. We'll be lost without him right but someone from the Cúl Redz may just step up to the plate and replace him right" Mr Forde concluded.

Former local law enforcer Cornelius O'Leary, who worked as a member of An Garda Siochana in Edenderry for thirty years until his retirement in 2014, was thrilled to hear the news. Mr O'Leary fondly remembers coaching a young Mr Dalton at underage and said golf should suit him.

"Listen hear now" Mr O'Leary said in his thick Corkonian accent. "He's a fine big man in this stocking feet. I'd say he'll drive it further than Happy Gilmore".

Weekend hacker Johnny Brady was less supportive of the idea when we broke the news to him and insisted he was a far superior golfer.

"Wha??? Will you stop. Get a grip sure the chap wouldn't hit it out of his way. He's as well off sticking to milking cattle and leave the golf to people like me" Mr Brady stated. However, Johnny's brother and business partner Peter stressed that he fully supports Mr Dalton's decision and went on to suggest he would be willing to sponsor a t-shirt for him while he's playing the links.

"We have some X-Large Spar t-shirts upstairs in the shop I could print our name on the back and he could wear it. It'll be deadly" said the five time senior medalist.

(Golfing superstars Johnny Brady, Willie Forde & Peter Brady)

Head groundsman at Edenderry GAA Pat 'Ago Cullen expressed his happiness for a player he has always admired and said Richie will always be welcome back to the club anytime he wants.

"I hope he gets on well he's a nice young man but I can tell you now he better stay off the jasus pitch he'll ruin the fecking thing with his chipping and driving & I only after mowing it" an animated Mr Cullen said.

(Local scratch golfer Kevin Guing refused to speak to our reporter. He just wants to be left alone)