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Mourinho plots deadline day bid for Alex Kenny

posted 9 Aug 2018, 04:10 by Edenderry GAA   [ updated 27 Aug 2020, 14:55 ]
(A rare photo of Alex Kenny actually running)

By Niveked.......

Edenderry senior footballer Alex Kenny is set to be the centre of attention on Thursday afternoon as Manchester United boss Jose Mourinho has made him his number 1 target to help bolster his squad ahead of this years Premier League campaign. 

Kenny, a former collegiate athlete in North Carolina USA, is a huge Man Utd fan and it is thought he will be keen to secure a lucrative move to the North West of England by 5pm today.

It has proven to be a frustrating summer for Mourinho with nobody willing to join his club due to the insufferable boring football he subjects supporters too on a weekly basis but he is confident of landing his number 1 target by 5pm today.

"I like Alex but he is not our player so I cannot speak about him. If he becomes available we would be interested of course. At the moment my squad is not good enough and the younger lads aren't part of my plans. Do you really expect Alexis Sanchez to play with Lee Grant, Chris Smalling or Phil Jones? Please" Mr Mourinho told our reporter at his latest press conference on Thursday morning.

This is not the first time Alex Kenny has been linked with a move to the Premier League as Jose Mourinho did offer him trials with Chelsea during his previous stint at the club in 2015. However, Mr Kenny rejected the offer stating quite clearly "Trials? King Alo doesn't do auditions".

(King Alo doesn't do auditions)

Reports of Alex Kenny's impending transfer to the twenty time champions of England has caused a Twitter meltdown with record signing Paul Pogba tweeting "King Alo. I'll have a bit of that" while their Belgian midfielder Marouane Fellani posted on Instagram "Alex Kenny? That's me f***ed so".

We phoned Alex for comment but he is remaining coy over his future and said everything will be sorted by this evening. Mr Kenny said he remains committed to playing for Edenderry until the championship is over and his agent insisted that the lure of financial gain across the pond doesn't appeal to him.

"Contract negotiations will be short and sweet" Alex's agent Ciaran 'Gazza' Farrell confirmed. "Alex would just want a few pound to tax the car and buy 20 Benson" Mr Farrell concluded.

(Alex Kenny is expected to pick up where David Beckham left off at Old Trafford)

Mourinho's bid to land the talented corner forward has been boosted by confirmation from Tottenham Hotspur that they are not interested in signing the Rathgreedan native. The London based club did approach Mr Kenny earlier in the summer transfer window but Spurs Chairman Daniel Levy withdrew from negotiations once it became apparent that they would actually have to pay Mr Kenny a wage. Edenderry based Spurs supporter Cathal Reilly expressed his happiness with the squad ahead of the current campaign.

"We don't need to sign anybody sure we finished above Arsenal last year" confirmed local poet Mr Reilly.

Image result for harry redknapp
(Harry Redknapp has said publicly that Alex Kenny is a 'triffic player)