News‎ > ‎

BOJO suspends British parliament to attend junior football final this Saturday

posted 10 Sept 2019, 08:27 by Edenderry GAA   [ updated 27 Aug 2020, 15:09 ]
BREAKING NEWS: THE TRUTH behind Boris Johnson's decision to prorogue parliament!!!

By Niveked.........

The real reason behind Boris Johnson's decision to suspend parliament has been revealed as the embattled Prime Minister is desperate to attend the junior football final this Saturday between Edenderry and Doon.

The Tory party leader has used Brexit as the perfect excuse to shut down Government and give himself some time off as he is due to jet in to Clonbullogue airfield on Friday night ahead of the biggest game in Edenderry GAA's one hundred and twenty eight year history.

Bojo, as the media have christened him, is a long time admirer of the reds and while he has been refused membership to the club on several occasions due to his general buffonery, he still harbours ambition of sitting on the executive committee of Edenderry GAA someday.

Prime Minister Johnson is set to land in Clonbullogue at approximately 7.30pm on Friday night where Jamie Dolan will collect him from the airstrip. Jamie currently drives a BMW and Boris only wants to be chauffeured around in the best.

A spokesman for the Prime Minister confirmed that Mr Johnson will be in attendance in Bord Na Mona O'Connor Park this Saturday and is hoping to join the team afterwards in Byrne's bar for a few pints of Guinness.

"Boris always speaks so splendidly about Edenderry and he can't wait to join the players after the game for some light refreshments. His favourite players include Mark 'Sadder' Young, Ciaran 'Gazza' Farrell, Andrew 'injured' Forde and John 'The Gooch' Gorman, who he says is very like the Gooch Cooper from Kerry in his style of play....... so it is".

(Boris is a big fan of the reds)

Speaking at No 10 Downing Street this morning Mr Johnson confirmed he can't believe he actually got Parliament suspended and that he will be seeking an extension to the arrangement if Edenderry's senior footballers qualify for the final on October 13th.

"If the seniors get to the final as well then there's not a fear of me going back to work on the 14th, so there isn't. Come out! I'll definitely be back in Edenderry for that if they get there, so it is, and we'll mow porter out of it in Eugene's for a few days, that's the truth so it is" Mr Johnson stated.

Mr Johnson recently stated that he'd rather die in a ditch than ask the EU for a Brexit extension and it's thought that if Mr Johnson spends 2-3 days on the beer with Podge Hanlon he may well find himself in that proverbial ditch in Edenderry.

Boris Johnson Junior 'C' audition

(With tackles like this, Johnson could play Junior 'C' next year)